FOOTBALL

Overlooked on the original update was the Great Last Day Conspiracy. Aside from the Sheffield Utd - Wigan collusion and the Ferdinand R will not stitch up Ferdinand A thoughts (they may be close relations, but that does not necessarily mean they like each other), nobody seemed to notice the real connivance. Two minutes into injury time, Liverpool are 1-2 down at home to Charlton, when a visiting player leaps into the air at a corner, and despite no pressure or any form of Liverpool challenge, handles the ball. Penalty and 2-2. I tuned into Match of the Day, where they did not name the miscreant, or manage to show a replay, even for the pundits to take the mick at the raging stupidity. So if this was not an Italianesque end of season favour (to the detriment of anti-Liverpool punters), what is?

THE MIRACLE CURE

Dateline: Sat 10th Mar. I am ill and just lazing in front of the television. Football Focus comes on, and as the remote is out of sight, it is left to chunter out is normal, vacuous inoffensive way on to the rugby. Then the airhead presenter issues seven words that strike horror into the listener, but the feeling does give the adrenalin rush to do something about changing the channel and do so in less than two seconds. What were they? 'Now he is talking to Garth Crooks.'

FREE SPEECH - NOT ALLOWED IN FOOTBALL 

Ian Holloway was threatened with disciplinary action for the following utterance, "Sepp Blatter: you are an idiot. Put the rules back to what they should be. He is a complete lunatic." The fact that he was completely correct is an irrelevance - he should be entitled to an opinion, and it only goes to confirm that you cannot beat football administrators for tinpot dictatorism (a made up word in lieu of a more appropriate one - perhaps despotism would be better).